Hello!

Wait right there- before I get into whatever the thing I'm writing about (yes, I have no plans on writing about something), let's just have a moment of silence for the promise I've broken to not go on another long hiatus which I just did. I am deeply sorry and embarrassed of myself for not being able to keep up with it.

First and foremost, 2016 had been hella hectic and there were so many things I had pushed aside to be able to sustain the tasks that were basically thrown right at me in the freaking face. And that's why I hadn't been able to update any posts throughout these months. One of the main reason I'm still keeping a blog is because I wanted to jot down and list all the possible memories, both good and bad, for my future self as remembrances. Clearly, I'm not doing what I was supposed to be doing and that's sad.

Enough with the blabbers, let me take you back to March of 2016.

March had always been my favourite month, well obviously since I'm a March baby. Apparently, it was different this year. I hated it. I'm not hating it no more but loathing, yes. Like I've said, I sat for a big exam last year which is PT3, and my results were so-so. I did applied for boarding schools and managed to get in for the second in-take (maybe). When I didn't make it for the first in-take, god knows how upset I was.

I was one of those kids who really wanted to get into boarding school. Despite having that 'only once in a lifetime' offer like most of the people I know said, I had to reject it under some circumstances. I admit, I cried a lot because of it and it took me so long to get over the fact that I can't and won't go to that particular school that I've envision myself enrolling since I was 12 years old. I was heartbroken. It sounds so dramatic, but if you know me well, you'd know how ambitious I am and how I've planned every single thing for the future. And not being able to reach for my goals, I felt like my whole life is over. HA.

At the same time, I was also having my exams for the first time for upper secondary. I flunked every subjects. My grades dropped badly. I guess it had to do with the offer I got and how I was emotionally unstable at that time. I think I was in the the 20th place in my batch, which is the worst I've ever been. I was and still not the best student, however it is important for me to make myself securing the 10th place and below in my batch, and getting 20th is distressing.

Then, in the mid to the end of school year, I began to improve my grades and also focusing my studies, completing my assignments and other school related stuffs. I had a lot going on and I didn't have a balance life (I had zero shits about my social life basically). It wasn't all that great, but it was all worth it. I mean, you had to give up something to achieve something that's way better, right? And I'm glad I did that.

On second thought, maybe I should've live a little. I wasn't paying attention to my mental health at all and it f***ed me up a lot. It wasn't fun.

Contrary to all that, I met a looooooots of new people that are significant to my life. I have new friends that I've felt like I've known them for years. I don't think I'll be able to survive my school year without them. Man, they're gold. My gold. I can't wait to suffer again with them next year. They just make suffering... a little bit less sufferable.

Also, I have no idea how I ended up hanging out with a bunch of guys this whole year instead of having real friends that are the same gender. Help.

So, I guess that's my school year in a nutshell. There's still a lot more to tell but I won't be able to write it all in one day, trust me.

Till next time, goodbye!

Labels: expectations, friends, school

S/O to my loves.

If you see someone being interrupted in a conversation, acknowledge them, don’t let them be pushed to the side. If you see someone lagging behind, walk beside them. If someone is being ignored, take the step to include them. Always remind people of their worth. It hurts when it feels like you’re being forgotten. That small gesture can mean a lot.

Quoting this because I'm including this in my New Year's resolution.

Labels: friends, pls go slower la 2015, year end

I felt most of the people I know do this, even some of my friends who I expected more from them. Now, I do think it's partially my own fault for putting such a high expectation but isn't it hard not to do that when you are obviously attached to each other to the point they have my complete trust. Who else can I trust other than my closest friends besides my family. Exactly.

Yes, I do feel like I've been taken advantage of multiple times and enduring my feelings were getting a lot harder time by time yet I still want to help them. So, whenever they come to me because of a problem, a part of me believe that the person is genuine but then the same thing happens.

So, how can I find the balance? It's really hard and confusing. If I give up on talking to them, they would obviously do the same. When I try to be nice and help them, I'll get stepped over. As much as I disliked what they did to me, I really want to keep a good friendship though.

I don't understand how some of the people say "just cut the ties and be done".

Um, am I missing out on something? How can you claim that you value a friend or friendship, that a close friend completely ignoring you and decided to only cut them out of your life that easy and how it would not affect you at all.

Personally, I'll try helping anyone who asks, even friends who are mere acquaintances at best. But if these people only talk to me when I'm needed and not to just chill around, I can tell that I'm just convenient to them.

I sometimes wonder how some people could manage having so many friends with feeling superficial. I can't even have 15 friends without feeling getting used by now and then.

This. One of the things everyone will experience while growing up. I'm still grateful there are still people who I can count on, be there whether I'm at my best or worst, And these kind of people, I just want to keep them somewhere deep inside my heart for being my great companions.

Labels: expectations, friends, growing up, rant

Hello.

Growing to love writing a lot, just to express my unstable teenage mood swings. I write out my opinions a lot and neither of them makes sense.

Layout created by myself and a wee bit inspiration from sagacity.

All posts written are mostly my thoughts. Photos, videos and animations used are mainly owned by myself unless stated otherwise.